Chapter 2 – Learning to Slow Down

If in the past life before birth was shrouded in complete mystery, today we know that the baby, from the very first weeks of pregnancy, is a sensitive, intelligent, and social being, psychologically and emotionally capable of perceiving and processing sensations. This is why it is possible to connect with them.

In prenatal bonding, mother and baby communicate on different levels to get to know each other: while the mother discovers the baby, the baby discovers her and the world in which she lives. The first level is physiological: what the expectant mother eats, drinks, inhales, or absorbs passes through the blood to the placenta and is transmitted to the baby. More generally, the health of the expectant mother influences that of the unborn child.

However, health is not just the absence of disease or the result of a healthy lifestyle, but more broadly, it is the physical and psychological well-being of a person. Even without physical illnesses, prolonged stress, work or family tensions, financial difficulties, and social isolation are risk factors for the developing child.

Maternal stress can affect fetal health: it can trigger the production of cortisol, and prolonged exposure to high concentrations of this hormone during prenatal life can limit physical and cognitive development and predispose the child to metabolic diseases such as diabetes and hypertension (7). Through small RNA fragments released by the placenta over the 9 months, the mother’s body regulates and guides the expression of the baby’s genes, adapting it to the environmental conditions it will encounter after birth. Stress also interferes with this mechanism, predisposing the child to diseases characterized by chronic inflammation (8).

To offer her baby the best starting conditions, the expectant woman should live a calm life, free from trauma and stress, engaging in fulfilling activities — including work, if it is satisfying and not too tiring or unhealthy — while also finding enough time to relax, unwind, and familiarize herself with the baby growing inside her, to listen, and to begin connecting. Pleasant experiences promote relaxation and increase body awareness, stimulating the release of higher levels of oxytocin, the hormone naturally produced during pregnancy to help the mother feel calmer. This state is undoubtedly beneficial for both the mother and the baby, who in turn experiences a sense of well-being.

Despite busy schedules, family obligations, and work, every expectant mother can still carve out time and space for enjoyable activities that benefit her wellbeing and that of her baby. For example, the refreshing and restorative effect of healthy rest, even during the day, should not be overlooked. Some time spent on the couch, reading a book or listening to music, can be very relaxing and rejuvenating. So can a walk in the park, surrounded by greenery, without rushing, just for the pleasure of walking and enjoying the moment. Weekends out of town are also encouraged, to fully enjoy the benefits of outdoor life as well as positive stimuli like discovering new places, landscapes, art, and good food.

It’s also a great opportunity to strengthen and deepen the couple’s bond. A good connection helps prepare for the arrival of the baby and for gradually taking on the role of parents — even through sexual activity. It’s rare that sex needs to be avoided during pregnancy (9). In all other cases, if the midwife or doctor does not explicitly advise against it, making love during pregnancy carries no risk. The light uterine contractions induced by intercourse and the prostaglandins in semen are not strong enough to trigger labor prematurely, and if the partner is healthy and basic hygiene is observed, there is no danger of transmitting infections to the baby, who is well protected by the membranes and the sealed cervix. In fact, intimacy benefits the mother’s physical and emotional state and strengthens her connection with her partner.

A second level of bonding is behavioral: the actions of the mother and father are perceived by the baby, and vice versa. Parents can feel the baby’s movements and tiny kicks or nudges as they caress the belly, talk, or sing to the baby.

Today we know that the fetus changes behavior in response to different stimuli (auditory, olfactory, gustatory) and can even remember and recognize some of them after birth.

Around the fifth month of pregnancy, the baby begins to process both internal and external stimuli from the mother’s body — especially her heartbeat (10), which soothes the baby both in the womb and after birth, when they are placed on the mother’s chest or hear a recording of it. At the same time, the baby’s taste buds are activated, and by swallowing small amounts of amniotic fluid, they can taste what the mother eats. Between the sixth and seventh month, the unborn child can open their eyes and respond to light stimuli. Most importantly, they can recognize the voices of the mother and father, distinguishing their tone, intensity, and sound duration from other voices.

Talking to the baby, reading stories and rhymes, even during pregnancy, is a great way to communicate and lay the foundation for a future relationship. So is music, or using the voice to sing or make rhythmic and repetitive sounds: in this playful-creative dimension, the mother strengthens the attachment and emotional bond with her baby, tuning in, speaking to, and singing for them, supporting the natural regressive state that occurs during pregnancy (11).

Visualization, which involves using mental imagery in a state of deep relaxation, also allows the mother to connect with her baby by imagining them in positive scenarios. The first visualizations are usually guided by a professional who helps the woman relax and suggests which images to focus on. Later, the exercises can be done independently, using a recorded voice. Visualizations can be helpful during the early stages of pregnancy — up to the fourth or fifth month — when fetal movements are not yet felt. Later, it becomes much easier to sense the baby’s presence and establish a connection. In fact, the baby starts moving at the end of the third month, but is still too small for the mother to feel. As the weeks go by, and as muscles and the nervous system mature, movements become increasingly active and coordinated.

From week 11 to 14, the baby begins to frown, move their lips and head — movements that are very useful for developing the sucking reflex.

Around week 18, their face already shows different expressions; they suck their fingers and grasp the umbilical cord.

By week 19, they push with their feet against the uterine wall, begin to rotate their head, and arch their back.

If it’s a first pregnancy, the mother might start to notice something between weeks 16 and 18. But it depends a lot on her lifestyle, daily rhythm, and ability to listen to and interpret her body’s signals. Initially, movements are felt sporadically and unexpectedly. After week 20, they begin to occur more regularly — a sign of vitality and well-being.

This sign is so important that until a few years ago, during the final weeks of pregnancy, women were advised to count fetal movements over a two-hour period and ensure they felt at least ten a day (12). Otherwise, a checkup was recommended. Although a common-sense precaution, this approach often led to anxiety. Today, the advice is simply to pay attention to fetal activity and report any sudden changes in movement frequency or pattern to the midwife or gynecologist.

Movement is also a form of communication, allowing mother and baby to connect, understand the baby’s temperament — whether calm or more active — and “play” by gently tapping the belly and waiting for a response.

Not only the mother’s caresses, but also those of the father help the baby feel more secure and confident. When the father places his hand on the belly, the baby’s heartbeat slows and becomes more regular. This happens because the fetus can distinguish paternal touch. When the father comes home, the baby moves more — as if happy. They perceive his arrival by the tone of his voice, which by around the sixth or seventh month, they can differentiate from that of the mother.