Chapter 6 – Emotional Development

Speaking directly to the baby, looking into their eyes, talking to them—even before they understand the meaning of words—not only supports language development. It also has deeper effects: it activates the so-called mirror neurons, the area of the brain responsible for imitation and empathy, the foundation of all social and emotional skills (21).

From the very first weeks of life, babies show a greater preference for human faces over inanimate objects. Among faces, they prefer those with open eyes and smiling expressions. They soon learn to smile by imitation.

This mechanism allows parents and caregivers to act as emotional guides for the child’s development. It is a crucial task: although some core emotions are innate and rooted in the brain’s structure, without the example and guidance of an adult the child cannot recognize and manage them alone.

At the heart of it all is the attachment between the child and their caregivers (22)—not only the mother, as long believed, but also the father, grandparents, babysitter, and daycare educators. If the adult is emotionally available, meaning they pay attention to the child’s needs, make an effort to understand their cues, and respond promptly, the child feels protected and nurtured and develops what psychologists call secure attachment. On the contrary, if their needs are ignored, they experience stress, which interferes with the function of the hippocampus, the brain area involved in emotional regulation, and they learn not to trust their caregivers, eventually forming an insecure attachment.

I Children with secure attachment explore their environment confidently as long as they have a caregiver nearby. They react poorly to separation but are quickly comforted when reunited. As they grow, they gain better emotional control, resulting in improved focus and social skills.

Children with insecure attachment, may show various reactions when separated from caregivers: indifference followed by coldness when the caregiver returns, or desperation during separation followed by anger when reunited. Insecure attachment interferes with emotional regulation and social development.

All children experience negative emotions like frustration or anger at times. To learn how to handle them, they need the guidance and example of adults (23).

Adults should not stigmatize these feelings, but welcome them, helping children recognize the emotions and instead disapprove of the negative behaviors that may arise. In other words, a child should not feel “wrong” or “bad” for experiencing anger or frustration, but they should learn not to express those feelings in harmful or destructive ways. It is up to caregivers to offer “alternative routes” for emotional expression. First and foremost, this means providing a harmonious family environment capable of containing and supporting emotions, both positive and negative. Children must learn to deal with difficulties, but they also need tools to manage the emotions that follow. Their emotional wellness as adults will largely depend on early childhood experiences in this area.

Like anger and frustration, fear is also an innate emotion, deeply embedded in the human psyche for evolutionary reasons, and children must learn not to be ashamed of it. With support from their parents, fear should be managed effectively—not denied or ridiculed (24).

To help overcome fears like the dark or imaginary monsters in the bedroom at night, the child needs to learn to distinguish between fantasy and reality and to control emotional impulses—an ability that takes years to develop. The right way to support this development is to listen to the child’s fears, show them there’s nothing to worry about under the bed or in the closet, and comfort them through physical closeness, voice, and perhaps a cuddly toy to hug in bed.

In addition to fears about real or imagined threats, young children also experience another primal emotion shared by all young mammals: separation anxiety (25). It typically appears between 6 and 12 months of age and can persist in a milder form up to 3 years. It may involve episodes of panic when the child is separated from a caregiver. Separation anxiety is a physiological and evolutionarily understandable reaction: our ancestors lived in dangerous environments, and a child wandering away from adult supervision risked encountering predators. It is no coincidence that this form of anxiety appears when children begin to gain autonomy—crawling or walking—and engage in social contact. As the child grows, separation anxiety usually fades, but it can reappear during major life events such as starting daycare or the birth of a sibling.

In these moments, it is crucial for caregivers to continue offering close support and special attention.